Leaving Behind What I Didn't Want To

I didn’t want to leave and yet I wanted to leave all at the same time, does that make sense? I had such mixed emotions about leaving London, I didn’t want to leave the people that I became so close with over the past 15 months, hell even the last three months. I was ready to leave the city where the sun doesn’t shine, well it does, just not for very long. The weather and the commutes might be the only thing I disliked about London. It took about 40 minutes to get anywhere, but I loved the museums, the galleries, there was so much culture and history there that I can’t find in Colorado. I expanded my mind this year through the arts and will continue to do so, I’m glad that I had flatmates in different programs, we learned so much from each other. Sure we may not have always gotten along, but not everyone does all the time.

I know that in the last few months my blog seemed like it was repeating itself, with confusion about my dissertation and when talking about specific music, and whatever else. The reasons are all so synonymous, I’ve had so many things and people make impressions on me this year, that it’s hard not to share experiences like that. I wouldn’t trade anything for this year, I learned a hell of a lot. Especially with my dissertation, I could have written a lot more and researched more areas, but with all things I had to have a specific point. My dissertation was about Street Photography in interwar Paris. It was specifically about how the culture, movements, politics, and media effected the way street photographers took photographs. That’s the gist of it, I haven’t looked at my dissertation since I turned it in, I won’t for a while, maybe not until I know my results.

I got back to Colorado on 20^th November, needless to say with a little less sanity. My day started with saying goodbye to close friends, I didn’t want to leave them, I don’t cry that often and once someone starts crying it’s hard to stop. There were so many people that were my surrogate family over the last year, but there were a few people that I got really close to, I don’t want to lose those connections, and hopefully never will. It is especially tough if you don’t know when you’re going to see each other again, hopefully soon. At the airport I had an argument with the check-in clerk about my bags, I sort of won that argument. At my layover in Iceland I was selected for a random security check/frisk. But I made it with severe jet lag and major time change issues. I still need to reactivate my phone, it’s killing me that it’s the only way I can talk with friends in London, not everyone is always on Facebook. Things run slower in small towns and it’s the holidays so everything runs even slower. So far with the week that I’ve been back my internal body clock starts to get tired around 8, which means that I’ll be in bed by 9, that would mean it’s 4 a.m. in London. I will eventually get used to the time change, but after living 15 months in London it’s going to be hard. Change is always a good thing and I already know that I won’t stay in Colorado long. I have an idea of what I should do and where I want go, we’ll just see if I end up there. 

Massive Quantities of Caffeine and/or Alcohol

Due to how crazy stressful October was I didn’t write a blog, I didn’t have the time to set aside to write something other then my dissertation. Though I’m done! After 4 months of writing, researching, mini breakdowns, and as much stress as I could handle, along with many glasses of wine or cider I handed my dissertation in on October 31. I moved to London to pursue a master’s degree and I did it, if I had to do it again I’d still do it the same way. 14 months of writing papers and attending classes and whew, it was hard, but I’m glad I had the chance to do this, even though I’ll be in debt probably the rest of my life.

I had some fun at the beginning of October, I went to my first metal show, due to a friend being the drummer in the band. That was an experience, I’m so glad that I wasn’t in the crowd, we were off to the side of the stage. Metal music isn’t that bad, listening to the guitar riffs and drums instead of the lyrics makes it tolerable (I might get in trouble for saying that). I’ve been around it for the past year due to friends liking it. That actually was a weird weekend, I was supposed to work on my dissertation, but that didn’t happen. My parents came into town but I didn’t have much time for them as I already had plans with friends. I was out with friends that whole extended weekend, so obviously I didn’t get much done dissertation wise. I went up to Northern Wales to meet up with my parents. I needed that, I had to get out of London, again. I couldn’t think what I needed to do to change my dissertation, I just couldn’t work on it. Anyway in Wales I saw so much in the short amount of time I was there. I would make a separate blog but I’m too lazy to do that. We stayed at Dyserth Falls Resort and we went to see castles, ruins of an Abbey, and went to Snowdonia National Park, which was beautiful. Yes I was the person lugging my big camera and my handheld camera around. When we went back to London I had to get back to my dissertation, my parents stayed with me for a few days. I needed to get back to a normal schedule with writing.

The last few weeks were a blur, literally I can’t remember what I did other then my dissertation. The week before it was due I was on a time crunch, I wanted to bring my dissertation to the printers a few days before it was due. I was having trouble with my Abstract, Intro, and Conclusion, I was also talking to my parents every day about my paper and sending them drafts to correct. I’m so glad they were there, I may have wanted to kill them at some points, but I’m glad they pushed me. If they hadn’t I would have still been writing my paper a day or two before it was due. After I went to the printer/binder I went to an exhibition and just had the day to myself, mainly because either friends had left or were still working on their dissertation. The next night however I met up with my friends Michelle and Jonny to go see Devin Townsend. I almost got caught in a mosh pit, backed up just enough to get out of it only to get whipped in the face by a guy with dreads who was head banging, that was gross. The show was a lot of fun, not amazing, but that’s all that counts.  I can’t say this enough but I’m  glad they introduced me to his music, it got me though the last few months. When I needed to unwind or concentrate I put on his music. It wasn't always his music, obviously I listen to other stuff, but every time I needed a moment to unwind his music always helped my mood.  My stress is behind me, my dissertation is turned in, but it was  so weird seeing all the work I put into it bound up in 80 pages.

So now what? I guess on to a new adventure.