Leaving Behind What I Didn't Want To

I didn’t want to leave and yet I wanted to leave all at the same time, does that make sense? I had such mixed emotions about leaving London, I didn’t want to leave the people that I became so close with over the past 15 months, hell even the last three months. I was ready to leave the city where the sun doesn’t shine, well it does, just not for very long. The weather and the commutes might be the only thing I disliked about London. It took about 40 minutes to get anywhere, but I loved the museums, the galleries, there was so much culture and history there that I can’t find in Colorado. I expanded my mind this year through the arts and will continue to do so, I’m glad that I had flatmates in different programs, we learned so much from each other. Sure we may not have always gotten along, but not everyone does all the time.

I know that in the last few months my blog seemed like it was repeating itself, with confusion about my dissertation and when talking about specific music, and whatever else. The reasons are all so synonymous, I’ve had so many things and people make impressions on me this year, that it’s hard not to share experiences like that. I wouldn’t trade anything for this year, I learned a hell of a lot. Especially with my dissertation, I could have written a lot more and researched more areas, but with all things I had to have a specific point. My dissertation was about Street Photography in interwar Paris. It was specifically about how the culture, movements, politics, and media effected the way street photographers took photographs. That’s the gist of it, I haven’t looked at my dissertation since I turned it in, I won’t for a while, maybe not until I know my results.

I got back to Colorado on 20^th November, needless to say with a little less sanity. My day started with saying goodbye to close friends, I didn’t want to leave them, I don’t cry that often and once someone starts crying it’s hard to stop. There were so many people that were my surrogate family over the last year, but there were a few people that I got really close to, I don’t want to lose those connections, and hopefully never will. It is especially tough if you don’t know when you’re going to see each other again, hopefully soon. At the airport I had an argument with the check-in clerk about my bags, I sort of won that argument. At my layover in Iceland I was selected for a random security check/frisk. But I made it with severe jet lag and major time change issues. I still need to reactivate my phone, it’s killing me that it’s the only way I can talk with friends in London, not everyone is always on Facebook. Things run slower in small towns and it’s the holidays so everything runs even slower. So far with the week that I’ve been back my internal body clock starts to get tired around 8, which means that I’ll be in bed by 9, that would mean it’s 4 a.m. in London. I will eventually get used to the time change, but after living 15 months in London it’s going to be hard. Change is always a good thing and I already know that I won’t stay in Colorado long. I have an idea of what I should do and where I want go, we’ll just see if I end up there. 

Massive Quantities of Caffeine and/or Alcohol

Due to how crazy stressful October was I didn’t write a blog, I didn’t have the time to set aside to write something other then my dissertation. Though I’m done! After 4 months of writing, researching, mini breakdowns, and as much stress as I could handle, along with many glasses of wine or cider I handed my dissertation in on October 31. I moved to London to pursue a master’s degree and I did it, if I had to do it again I’d still do it the same way. 14 months of writing papers and attending classes and whew, it was hard, but I’m glad I had the chance to do this, even though I’ll be in debt probably the rest of my life.

I had some fun at the beginning of October, I went to my first metal show, due to a friend being the drummer in the band. That was an experience, I’m so glad that I wasn’t in the crowd, we were off to the side of the stage. Metal music isn’t that bad, listening to the guitar riffs and drums instead of the lyrics makes it tolerable (I might get in trouble for saying that). I’ve been around it for the past year due to friends liking it. That actually was a weird weekend, I was supposed to work on my dissertation, but that didn’t happen. My parents came into town but I didn’t have much time for them as I already had plans with friends. I was out with friends that whole extended weekend, so obviously I didn’t get much done dissertation wise. I went up to Northern Wales to meet up with my parents. I needed that, I had to get out of London, again. I couldn’t think what I needed to do to change my dissertation, I just couldn’t work on it. Anyway in Wales I saw so much in the short amount of time I was there. I would make a separate blog but I’m too lazy to do that. We stayed at Dyserth Falls Resort and we went to see castles, ruins of an Abbey, and went to Snowdonia National Park, which was beautiful. Yes I was the person lugging my big camera and my handheld camera around. When we went back to London I had to get back to my dissertation, my parents stayed with me for a few days. I needed to get back to a normal schedule with writing.

The last few weeks were a blur, literally I can’t remember what I did other then my dissertation. The week before it was due I was on a time crunch, I wanted to bring my dissertation to the printers a few days before it was due. I was having trouble with my Abstract, Intro, and Conclusion, I was also talking to my parents every day about my paper and sending them drafts to correct. I’m so glad they were there, I may have wanted to kill them at some points, but I’m glad they pushed me. If they hadn’t I would have still been writing my paper a day or two before it was due. After I went to the printer/binder I went to an exhibition and just had the day to myself, mainly because either friends had left or were still working on their dissertation. The next night however I met up with my friends Michelle and Jonny to go see Devin Townsend. I almost got caught in a mosh pit, backed up just enough to get out of it only to get whipped in the face by a guy with dreads who was head banging, that was gross. The show was a lot of fun, not amazing, but that’s all that counts.  I can’t say this enough but I’m  glad they introduced me to his music, it got me though the last few months. When I needed to unwind or concentrate I put on his music. It wasn't always his music, obviously I listen to other stuff, but every time I needed a moment to unwind his music always helped my mood.  My stress is behind me, my dissertation is turned in, but it was  so weird seeing all the work I put into it bound up in 80 pages.

So now what? I guess on to a new adventure.

Expiration Date

Sorry if this blog post seems a little flat, my brain has been overworking itself due to writing my dissertation.

Things end at one time or another, sometimes we don’t know when and other times we know when its time to move on. I booked my plane ticket about three weeks ago, which was weird, because I just looked at my account and couldn’t help but think that I had booked it earlier. Time flies when you aren’t paying attention to anything else but research and writing. I’m flying back to the states on November 20^th, I’m a little sad, but it’s not like I had the money to keep on living in London, expensive place that it is. Anyway these past 2 ½ or so months have been nothing but researching and writing with some fun in between. I guess the only highlight this month was going to a male strip show with my friends, it was fun and interesting. The LMFAO song, Sexy and I know It, will never be the same, especially the wiggle wiggle wiggle part, take what you will of that. I will not recount the whole story here, though my friends, who I did tell, will know what I’m talking about.

After the brain fart of everything from the past few weeks I intend to go to Wales with my parents for a couple of days, not the whole week though. True I will have to write while I’m there but I’m in need of, once again, getting out of London, though it may be this time a new place to write, so maybe some new inspiration will come. When I was writing my dissertation draft I fried my brain, I spent two weeks writing or trying to write. I got up to a little over 14,000 words, until I realized my second chapter needed to be shorter and possibly fewer photographers. I needed more words for my intro and conclusion; the limit for words with this dissertation is 15,000. While I was writing I don’t think I could communicate with others as effectively as I kept on mumbling when I was talking to my roommate. I did get out of my flat every once in a while, though I swear my brain just quit on me, but I’m sure anyone who has exerted their brain that much would be a little overcooked so to speak. I’m a little apprehensive about getting my draft back on October 1^st, as I don’t know how much I’ll have to change with my paper. However I’m also eager to know the changes so I can get a move on with finishing this paper, it’s due October 31^st, that’s so close. 

One Year of Amazing Craziness

I have officially lived in London for a year as of August 17^th, I moved here on my birthday last year, it’s crazy to think it’s been a year. Last year I got here on my birthday, met my roommates, went flat hunting and had a nice birthday/getting to know you dinner. This year I had a joint birthday bbq party with a friend.

 So much has happened. I have met so many great people, I have met one of my closest friends here, I’ve done some travelling, I have learned so much.

When I was younger I always said I was going to live in London, I’d been here at least twice. I loved the history of the city, the hustle and bustle, basically a place I dreamed of living in. Now what do I think? Although it’s a good place to learn and explore it’s not a place I’d want to permanently live. I miss the green open space, the mountains, I miss driving my car, American food. And believe it or not I miss actual snow and not having the city shut down because of it. My mind has changed so many times with what I want to do for a career, but you know what? I have learned that it doesn’t matter, it’s better to explore options then sticking to one thing and not budging. I have met people that I can completely be myself with, and I’ve learned it’s ok to be weird, a dork, a nerd, and be awesome. So the question is what have I done this last year, other then the first half of this year going by really fast? I’ve explored photography galleries as well as museums with friends, I’ve had an internship at a photography gallery. I have been on trips and gone to concerts, I’ve seen the actor Jon Hamm (hot!), I have been in the same city as the Olympics. I’ve gone to an Olympic semifinal football (soccer) match, Japan vs. France, Japan won (The U.S. beat them in the final by the way). I have had my stances changed, for example, pit bulls and rottweiler’s can be the cuddliest dogs, not a mean bone in their body. Metal music is growing on me, and the people who like it are normal (well as normal as a person can be), who’d a thunk it? And yes, I have been to a metal club, and it was fun. Everything’s been pretty fantastic ok.

I haven’t been in Colorado since December, though I’ve been to Chicago twice and New York once, I’ve seen my parents once this year (in Chicago), and will again before I move back the States. They’re going to Wales in mid October, so by that time I should be pretty much done with my dissertation. As of right now I’m headed back to the States in November. From there, who knows, that’s the adventure isn’t it? Moving to a new city and beginning your life again, I’m always ok with that, moving from one stage to the next

Tanning Below the Eiffel Tower

Needless to say July was slow going, I was slow to start research on my dissertation and I wasn’t doing much else. Once I had my meeting with my supervisor to figure out the chapters of my dissertation then things seemed to pick up.  I was asked by my supervisor if I would be going to Paris, my dissertation is about Photographers in Paris between 1919-1939, I hadn’t thought about it. As soon as she brought it up it was only the only logical thing to do. So I decided to see what exhibitions were on in Paris that would help with my dissertation. There were a few things, so I looked around for the best deal for transport to Paris and booked a bus, Eurolines. I booked the hostel, not many available at the height of summer in Paris, but I found one and I booked it, though I had to change rooms three times. That was two weeks before, during the two weeks before Paris I had to write my first draft chapter, so I spent time researching in the British Library and the school library. The second week I researched a bit more and wrote my first chapter, I’m not happy with it, but I always have the chance to rewrite it. Aside from researching I celebrated the 4^th of July with friends by attending a bbq, oh how I miss grilling.

So I took the bus to Paris, it went through Dover and we went on a Ferry over to France. I have to say seeing Dover from the English Channel it’s beautiful. I would love to go back and explore and take pictures. I got to my hostel around 11 and was pretty tired. The next day I put my stuff in a storage locker because I had to move rooms. Anyway I started the day going to Centre Pompidou, got lost finding it, I’m pretty sure I went in a circle and passed the back of it. I don’t know, but I found it. I went to see the contemporary art exhibit. Modern contemporary art I’ve never been a fan of, some of the stuff is interesting, but I never really liked it. I finally got to the photograph area, there wasn’t much, but there were photographs from Brassai, Eli Lotar and Andre Kertesz, two of whom I’m writing about in my dissertation. Seeing prints that I’ve read about and looked at in books are always better when seen in person. Anyway after I was done looking around the exhibit I wasn’t feeling very well, so I had lunch at Centre Pompidou and decided what I was going to do next. I was supposed to check out the Kandisnky library, but that didn’t happen, it was way too nice to spend any time inside in Paris, I might have regretted that later. After that I headed to Musee Caranvalet where there was a Eugene Atget exhibit. This is what I had to come to Paris for, I’m writing about him in my dissertation, not much is known about the man other then little bits and pieces. The exhibit was very informative, there were original photographs and it was amazing. I only wish I had taken notes, but whatever notes I would have taken I probably have read before. After the museum I went to the courtyard outside to figure out what I was going to do next. I decided to take a walk by the Seine and see if the vendors were selling anything interesting. I ended up by Notre Dame, sat outside in the sun for a bit and then I decided that I would go up the towers of Notre Dame. So I waited in line. Must have been for an hour, not bad. What was bad was the walk up, I’m fit, but not that fit, so huffing and puffing up the stairs to get to the top was worth it. The views are amazing and I got to see the gargoyles. I brought my larger camera on this trip, even though it was heavy I got some amazing photographs. I ended up talking to 3 guys on the top who were doing a Euro trip, one was getting his master’s and the other two were in medical school. I told them a couple places to see in Paris, they never heard of Sacre Coeur, I told them to go there for more amazing views. So after Notre Dame I walked down and walked along the Seine over to the Latin Quarter for dinner, they always have good deals. I had escargot for an appetizer and then steak, I love escargot, well if I don’t think what I’m actually eating. Anyway I got back to the hostel around 8 or 9 to check into another room. I had to change rooms three times because nothing was available 3 nights in a row, I was pretty tired that night, a lot of walking.

The next day my throat was killing me still, I think I might have had strep, but I don’t know. Anyway it was a late start, I decided to go over to the Montparnasse area, mainly because I wanted to see the area where artists and photographers congregated and lived in the 1920’s and 30’s, it was the place to be at that time, not now. I went to the cemetery, yes a little morbid but it was quiet  ( a cemetery quiet, really?) and I wanted to see the graves of Man Ray and Andre Kertesz (I think he was there).  I never did, mainly because I wanted to find the Catacombs, I thought the building was in the cemetery, nope, it was a few blocks down the road. I got to the building there was a line, I kept on following the line all the way around. It was long, I briefly considered not getting in it, but I figured I wasn’t going to be in that area again. 2 ½ hours later I finally got to go into the catacombs. Crazy? Yes, also this was the only time I wish I had a friend with me, mainly because so one of us could go buy a sandwich or something. I’ve been to catacombs before, in Italy, but the bones had been removed. Anyway it was awesome, beyond cool, walls of bones that just kept on going and going. After the catacombs I went to the gift shop, I had to, I bought skull salt and pepper shakers.  After the catacombs I ended up going to Luxembourg Gardens, I had a orange hot dog.

Side note: so the thing with the orange hot dog is when my sister and I first visited Paris, I was 7 she was 9 she had a orange hot dog in the Tulleries, and ever since then she’s been obsessed. She hasn’t had the chance to travel to Paris but when I went in 2010 and again this year I had an orange hot dog for her and took a picture. It’s the little things in life that count.

I walked around the gardens for a while and then I found the crème de la crème, I found the middle. It was beautiful, the water fountain, the flowers, the palace? I don’t know what the museum or building or whatever it was, was. There were kids playing with sailboats in the fountain.

Side note and another story, my dad has a picture of me, when I was 7 playing with a sailboat. Again it’s the small things that made you smile.

 I took pictures though the half naked people sunbathing aren’t pretty. After the gardens I went to go to the Montparnasse Tower, again getting lost. I found it and waited in line, I was already sun burned from standing outside for 2 ½ hours for the catacombs, so really I didn’t mind. It’s kind of like the Sears tower in Chicago, but not. When you get to the top it’s a room with windows, but you go upstairs and it’s an open topped roof with glass walls. There is a direct view of the Eiffel Tower, amazing views. I ended up sun tanning a bit in the middle on the rubber pad with people. I talked to a couple from Costa Rica, I had talked to them in line and again up top, the guy told me to go to the Pantheon and go up. I told him some places to go as well.

The third day I was everywhere, I started out the day in the eastern part of the city to go to Le Cinematheque Francais to see the Tim Burtin exhibition. It was amazing, drawings from the beginning of his career to movie props. I would have bought the book, but it was huge and I didn’t want to lug it around. So I’m going to buy it online, because it was too amazing not to buy. After that I went to rue Mouffetard to find a cheese shop, though it wasn’t open. I ended up having lunch in the square and the walked over to the Pantheon. It was a hot day, again. I think the Pantheon was my only misstep of the trip, it’s a church and yeah you can go up to see views, but I realized I have seen 360 degree views of Paris from pretty much every tall point by now. The Eiffel Tower, Sacre Coeur, Notre Dame, Montparnasse Tower, and now the Pantheon, not a lot of people can say they’ve done that, so I count my lucky stars that it’s happened. After that I went back to rue Mouffetard to check if the cheese shop was open, nope, oh well. I ended up having ice cream, there was a shop that made the ice cream in the shape of a flower, it was really good. I ended up going to the Eiffel Tower, not to go up it but to people watch and sun tan in the grounds below. I loved that, a lot of people were around, but I got to lay out in the sun near the Eiffel Tower. I love that I could do that and not have gypsies or the souvenir guys bother me, apparently they’re not allowed on the grounds anymore, which is good. After I got tired of the sun I went to find dinner, my initial plan was to have dinner near the Eiffel Tower so I could see it light up at night. Considering how many times I’ve been to Paris I’ve never seen the Eiffel Tower sparkle. I was picky about what I wanted to eat, I wanted mussels, and not every restaurant has them. I ended up in the Latin Quarter again, after I ate I did a little window shopping and realized that I was tired and I didn’t want to be out late at night. So I hopped on the tube to go back to the hostel. So no sparkling Eiffel Tower for me, I always leave something to come back to, and that is something I’ll see someday.

My last day I checked out, stored my stuff in a locker and had 3 hours to kill before I had to catch my bus. I ended up walking along the canal by the hostel, there was a lot going on, boats, water park, beach scene. It was cool, I found a café and had breakfast overlooking the canal. I walked along it again and then decided to go to the nearby park. It was mentioned to me by a person in one of the rooms I stayed in. I did, it was beautiful, there’s this huge rock island in the middle, you can only get to it by a bridge, it was beautiful. It was also a little of a hike, so I was kinda sweating by the time I got to the top, but it was worth it. I went back down, sat in the sun for a little until I had to leave. The sun lifted my spirits a bit, before I left London it was rainy and dreary and I came back to hotness, also the bus took the chunnel. I thought we were going to take the ferry again, which was why I didn’t take pictures of the cliffs at Dover. Oh well, something to go back to see. I got what I came for a clear mind and a better attitude. Paris je t’aime

It's Just Stuff

Ok so think for a quick second, if you were put on evacuation notice and only had say an hour or so to pack, what would you take? With the wildfires in Colorado so many people have either been evacuated or have lost their homes. Being here in London and waiting to hear what the situation is with my parents and friends hasn’t been easy.

My parents emailed me asking if they should take anything that was mine, I thought about it, and there are a few things that I wanted them to take. Mostly everything I have is packed up in boxes in my parents crawlspace. When they emailed me I realized a lot of what I own is just that, stuff, it can be replaced. Electornics, kitchen stuff, clothes, books, etc. that can all be replaced. What can’t are memories, after I emailed my parents with a very small list I ended up emailing them back and asked if they could pack the Christmas ornaments. Why such an odd request? Mainly because every year we get an ornament for a present that signifies what we did or what happened that year. The last time we packed up the house was in 2002 when the Hayman fire was threatening to come over the mountains. Everything was packed in the cars, one of our dogs wouldn’t leave the car and we were on standby. As much as I know what it’s like to be on standby evacuation, I don’t know what it’s like to lose a home, I’ve seen pictures from various news sites and it’s heartbreaking, I know those places and I grew up going to the parks and various other sites. It isn’t a pity party, just a moment of reflection.

My parents have a second place in the mountains, away from the fire, so they can go up there if they need to. I’m thankful for that, it’s just hard to fathom where so many people are staying. There are only so many homes, shelters, and hotels that can take people in. If I had the money I would donate as much as I could to the Red Cross and various other programs. With the Air Force Academy being in the path of the fire, firefighters and the Academy are doing what they can to combat the fire, but right now it seems things have quieted down. So the question remains, what’s important to you?

In the meantime donate or volunteer with your local animal shelters, Red Cross, Food Banks, etc.  Also to donate to help the relief on CO wildfires go to www.helpcolorado.org

Don’t Act Like You’re Not Impressed

After four presentations and four papers that add up to 10,500 words I am done with my second semester of graduate school. You know what that means? I’m on to my dissertation, well in a few days. I know I can’t put it off but I also know that I can’t jump right into researching, I need to let my brain rest. It’s already the middle June, I can’t believe where the time has gone, I feel like everything has passed me by, because I’ve been working so hard. Actually that’s not entirely the truth, I had a couple of fun outings and trips with friends and classmates. I went to New York on a class trip and even though I didn’t do the touristy things it was still fun. I went to see Guns N’ Roses with a close friend and had the best time.  We rented a car and we got lost on the way to Birmingham, but when have I ever been known to not get lost? We got there right on time to see Axl and the concert was amazing, we then drove back to London at 2 in the morning.  I went to see Devin Townsend, he’s a brilliant musician who used to be in a metal band, Strapping Young Lads, look him up (The Devin Townsend Project). I went to see him based on suggestions from friends who love him and his music, turns out he’s amazing and funny, and his music is hard to describe because it’s an array of different things. But you can bet that i'm gonna buy his music, definitely something to listen to anytime, especially when relaxing or researching. 

That’s the short of it, because if I explained everything that has happened in the past six months I’d refer you to my other blog posts or write more blogs, but some things are best left unsaid. There are so many things that stand out from this year alone that I’ve done. I don’t need to think about the past, I just want to look forward to what’s going on now, and what I’ll be doing six months from now..... well maybe not because that makes me nervous. Anyway after 6 months of debating on what I’ll write for my dissertation I have the topic, all I have to do is the research and then things will become clearer. Yay! I presented my dissertation topic a couple of days ago, I missed out going out with friends because I was so preoccupied with my presentation. If I have a lot on my mind, specifically if it’s a paper or presentation then I won’t have as much fun. I would have gone with them if I had presented the day before. I was talking to a friend and telling him that there will be a time when we all go out where I won’t be worried about a paper or presentation. That and there will be a time when we all go out and I won’t be drop dead tired. Which reminds me I didn’t realize I was so tired until I fell asleep around 10 a few nights ago, that never happens, I usually go to sleep pretty late. It hasn’t been easy, that’s for sure, there have been days where I just wanted to run away from all my responsibilities but I couldn’t and can’t.  Hopefully I can get friends together and just rent a car and drive to the coast somewhere and lay out in the sun to get away from it all.

Oh on the plus side I did get my hair cut, a little shorter then I anticipated but after living with it for a week I’m beginning to like it. I’m a month into my internship and I like it, I get to do so many different things that it keeps me preoccupied and I’m learning so much. I’m looking forward to what this summer will bring, research, understanding my dissertation and some fun in between. I know a lot of things in my life are random, but that’s what keeps me on my toes, and I love it.

(The title of this blog is an Anchorman reference, it made a great title, only I had to take out of context, love the movie)

You’re Killin’ me Smalls

First, the title of this blog, if you haven't seen the movie The Sandlot, then you're missing out, it just means that you're exasperated with someone.

This semester at Sotheby’s has been nothing but papers with very little rest in between, except strangely for February, I didn't have anything due. I started off this year with a paper and then I had two papers due within a week of each other. Not to mention presentations, sometimes not knowing what the hell I was going to present about and usually bullshitting my way through it. Twice that has happened, and I’m not going to let that happen again, I have to present to a panel in a month, ok less than a month, eek! Whoops, I think I hyperventilated right there. Where was I? right, I have to present to a panel what I’m supposed to be writing my dissertation on and tell them how I’m going to go about things. I have yet to fully decide what I want to do, but I think a recent talk with some alums from my course helped a little. They told us we could contact them should we have any questions, of course that’s going to happen, because one of the women that was answering questions seemed very knowledgeable of my ideas for my dissertation and where and how to help me….hopefully…..maybe?

Ok, where was I, oh right, so four papers (i'm counting the paper from January that was from the fall semester) and four presentations later I still have one last paper that’s due in June, I just finished a big project. The project was put together in about two weeks, due to some difficulties with my class, whatever, we pulled it off, I did ok, the others did great. My writing style is slowly improving; I’d rather have feedback on how I can fix it then feedback on my paper when I go in for meetings. Ugh all this negativity can always be attributed to the weather; seriously it had been raining pretty much every day for the past month, or has been muggy or cold, now it’s just muggy. Yeah, yeah I know it’s London and it’s supposed to be like that, but what I wouldn’t give for some cool, sunny days. I would love to have a slight tan, instead of an English tan, I am so white. Though it is about time to cut my hair and it's going to be really short.

However going out on a positive note I did get an internship at a photography gallery, even if it is one day a week, it is still experience. I’m happy about that, it means that i’ll be able to do something other then work on my dissertation this summer. 

(If this blog seems all over the place, it is, my brain has just turned to mush so if i'm repeating myself, sorry)

Windswept

First let me explain Chicago is one if not two of the places where I have always wanted to live, London being the other place. One week, maybe two, every summer growing up was spent in the suburbs of Chicago, my grandparents lived in LaGrange Park, my Grandma still does, though in a retirement community, Plymouth Place. Even if we didn’t get into the city I still had fun. I don’t mind the cold, I’ve been there during the winter, I don’t mind the muggy summers. Chicago, aside from the high taxes, politics, etc, is or seems to be an up and coming place to be for art. I was in Chicago a few weeks ago just for a couple of days with my parents, which is always nice since I don’t get to see them that often. I had one goal in mind when I went there, it wasn’t met as I ended up doing other things. I wanted to visit two photography galleries that I had seen at AIPAD in NYC the week before; it’s always nice to make contacts. I didn’t go to the galleries, so I’ll just have to email them.

The first day I was in Chicago I went to visit my grandma, since I missed her big 90^th birthday party last November and didn’t have time to see her when I went to Chicago for New Years, it was nice to see her, even if it did feel like groundhog day with her. She has memory problems and asks that same questions over and over. We all went to the mall, shopped a little and met up with my aunt and cousins to have dinner, it was nice, I hadn’t seen them for a couple of years.

The next day we took the train and headed into the city and ended up going to Millennium Park and of course took pictures of the bean. We then went to the Chicago Culture Center, it is a beautiful building on the inside, with a magnificent dome. We went to Portillos, oh man, my friend Michelle introduced me to this restaurant when I was in Chicago with her. I took my parents, I was actually surprised they had never been, needless to say they loved the food, fantastic ok. After that we went to Willis Tower (Formally Sears Tower), my dad and I went up, my mom hates heights. Even though it wasn’t a clear day I still managed to take so many nice pictures. I felt more artistic with my camera in Chicago than I did in New York. It has to do with the architecture; I love all the older buildings, ok and the high views, ok twist my arm I love Chicago. We walked around a lot that day, it was a little cold considering the wind coming in from Lake Michigan, but not cold enough for hats, maybe for scarves though. After we got back we went to see a movie and then headed back to the hotel, another day of walking, I do that in London all the time, but I take the tube a lot. The next day was a shopping day, dontcha just love it when you go on a shopping trip with your mom, especially when you don’t have that much money. Even if the trip did end on a bad note, my brother was admitted into the hospital, he had a stroke, he’s slowly recovering, I still had an amazing time in those 3 or 4 days that I was there, I always do when I’m in Chicago. When I got back I was sick, this is the second time I’ve come back to London from Chicago sick and having to work on a paper. Either the city doesn’t like me or I should have worn warmer clothes. It’s the latter, no matter how many times I say it, Chicago is the place I would ultimately like to end up.

Trekking through the Concrete Jungle

I was in New York City for a couple of days in March for a class trip and I didn’t even do any of the touristy stuff, ok I went to Time Square, but that was it, New York City was tiring. The schedule was jam packed and I’m pretty sure my brain went on photography overload, My class was there from Tuesday March 28^th – Sunday April 1^st.

The first day we got there we had time to ourselves and because of jet lag not much happened. The second day however we started off at 9:30ish maybe a bit earlier, to get to the MET where we got to go to the photography archives and meet the head curator. We talked about photographs and then he showed us 3 original Edward Steichen photographs of the Flatiron Building. Immediately you could hear everyone sucking in their breath at once, we had talked about this photograph last semester so much and to see it in person was a-mazing. I would have loved to go see the building, but I never really had time to, oh well, something for next time. After that we had a break for lunch and time to get all the way to the Aperture Foundation in Chelsea. So three of us decided to navigate our way through the city and take the subway. The subway is so confusing in NYC, I’m glad I was with someone who could figure it out. So we made our way to the area where the foundation was and decided to stop off and eat at a Mexican restaurant, one of my friends never had it before. So by the time we were seated to the time we ordered we realized we didn’t actually have that much time to eat. Oh well, we made of it what we could, the highlight of the food was the freshly made, as in made right in front of you guacamole, it was so creamy and delicious. When we made our way to the Aperture Foundation, it should be noted that Aperture is also a photography magazine. Anyway we had a tour and then were let loose to look at the photographs that were on display. After Aperture everyone went to get a cup of coffee and then we went to explore the galleries around Chelsea. There was a gallery that had photographs by Andy Warhol, eh I wasn’t amused, another gallery that I wanted to go to was an exhibition of Nick Brandt’s work, he’s an amazing wildlife photographer. Anyway I found the gallery, but they were closed as they were setting up the exhibition. I didn’t go back, I didn’t want to trek all the way down there again. After that we walked the high line path, it was an old railroad that was turned into a walking path. It has beautiful views of the city. After that the group split, some people went shopping others went back to the hotel. A classmate and I walked 30 or maybe more blocks back to the hotel. Ugh that was a long walk, next time I’ll taxi it or figure out the freakin subway. But I did walk by the Empire State Building and Rockefeller Center. We got back spent time in the lounge and played pool, we saw actor Timothy Olyphant in the bar, but we left him alone. Not many people know who he is, he’s a very chameleon like as an actor.  Then 4 of us got together for dinner, I had found an Italian restaurant not far from the hotel. It’s called Bricco and I would highly suggest anyone visiting NYC to eat there. The food was good and it wasn’t too pricy, plus they have a pretty good wine list.

The second day my friend Jen and I went to Starbucks to get breakfast and walk to AIPAD, which is the big photography show. It’s like Paris Photo but not as huge. My main goal while I was there was to go and talk to two Galleries from Chicago, I was planning on visiting them when I went to there. Because we were there for the early preview no one was in their booths, which sucked. They were there later on but we were busy listening to a gallery owner giving a talk to us. There were some interesting photographs featured, some of the photographs/photographers I liked I took a picture of and posted on my facebook pictures page. Anyway after AIPAD we walked, once again should have taken a taxi, to Sotheby’s New York. We had a tour and a talk by the guy in charge and then after that we went to eat and then went to MOMA. In the evening we had a group dinner with Master’s of Photography alumni who live and work/intern in the city. It was a lot of fun. After some of us got back to the hotel the bar was full and we decided to see what was going on. Turns out a bachelor party was going on, since my friend Jen is way outgoing she started talking to guys while the two other women who were so gung ho about seeing what was going on before were suddenly shy. I got pulled onto the dance floor by a little Mexican dude and danced with him for a bit. I tried pulling away to get to my friends but they were too busy taking pictures, everytime I pulled away he pulled me right back to him, I got annoyed. He pulled his brother into the mix, I got uncomfortable and finally my friends pulled me away. Ugh I hate situations like that, and it seems like I get myself into them way more than I should. Oh well I still had fun.

The next day was another early day, Jen and I got starbucks and headed off to Phillips de Pury, now if I could pick where I could work it would definitely be Phillips. I am always impressed in their displays and basically everything about them. I wasn’t going to originally buy an auction catalogue, but I did, mainly because I liked some of the photographers featured. Also it turns out one of the photographers featured had a exhibition at the Chicago Culture Center and, I think, had an exhibition at one of the galleries in London that I went to. Anyway after Phillips we went to the International Centre of Photography (ICP) where they were showing an exhibition about Weegee, who took photographs of people that were murdered. I would have probably been more interested in it had I not been texting my dad, who was trying to figure out flight times for Chicago and texting another friend who was on the road. Anyway after that the group split up, Jen and I ate a hot dog near the park. We went to the Museum of the City of New York where we had a guided tour; the highlight of it was Cecil Beaton, a fashion photographer. After that was Swann Galleries and then some of us went back to the hotel. We were tired though not that tired as at least 3 of us went to the bar to have drinks. Once again Jen talked to some guys outside while smoking and brings one back to the table or he found her, I’m not quite sure what happened there. She and another one of our classmates talk and I’m sitting next to this guy, I’m tipsy by this point, so we start talking about random stuff, then he starts name dropping celebs he knows. It would have bothered me if I were sober, he left at some point, so it’s three of us at the table again. We realize it’s around 2:30 in the morning, thank god we didn’t have anything to do that next day. Saturday there were scheduled photography talks at AIPAD but I didn’t want to go and Jen didn’t want to go, we decided to go to Times Square that day, we were supposed to meet up with another classmate, but that never happened. I was going to meet up with a friend that I hadn’t seen for about four years I think it was. So Jen and I go to the Hard Rock for lunch and I had an amazing burger with bacon, I miss American meat. After that we shop a little and meet Chris, we take him back to the hotel for some drinks and talk and share stories. We go back to Times Square to meet his boyfriend and take stupid pictures, those are always the best. We then headed to Chelsea to go to a Mexican restaurant, but because it’s full he takes us to Qi, an asian fusion restaurant. It was so good, look it up and go there. He was going to take us to a gay sports bar but because we were leaving the next day it was best that we didn’t go, though it would have been so much fun. The next day I said bye to my classmates, they were headed to JFK and I was headed to LaGuardia to meet my parents and head to Chicago. Which will be in another blog. Chicago and NYC are two different animals, before I left New York I went to Central Park, it was pretty but not beautiful as not everything was blooming, I think it describes the whole New York experience, good but not great, it was fun for what we came to do. 

It's not all Doom and Gloom

February felt like it lasted for-e-ver (I can’t think of that word without thinking of the movie The Sandlot) and March feels like it whizzed by, a little less than a week and it’s April, say what? Seriously, I head to NYC with my class this week for a couple of days, then that’s it, March is dunzo.

I was watching clips of the Swedish Chef, from the Muppets a weekend or so ago with some friends, and the way he talks, nannu nannu bork bork bork. It’s a fun way to communicate with friends when you’re standing around two people speaking Swedish. Just begin speaking the Swedish Chef’s language to the person next to you, you’ll get some weird looks, but if you and the person you’re talking to are having fun, that’s all that matters.

I have had some work, a presentation here and there, but nothing other then reading a lot of theory papers and trying to understand them for my classes. Once reading week (Spring Break) is over, it’s two weeks, but I’ll be gone that first week. I’ll have a paper due the day school starts and then the following week another paper due, and then have to think of another paper and presentations. Oh man, I think I just gave myself a headache (it might be a lingering effect from the metal club I went to a few nights ago, still worth it, but it’s most likely the pollen, trees are blooming).

So to not make myself dizzy with worry these are the things I’m looking forward to: NYC from March 27^th – April 1^st. Then off to Chicago with my parents for a couple of days to rest and make contacts. Who knows what that would bring, Chicago is a place where I’ve always wanted to live. Before I applied and was accepted into Sotheby’s I was looking at graduate schools there.  Anyway after I get back to London I’ll have Guns N’ Roses to look forward to in May in Birmingham with some friends, that’ll be epic indeed, because a couple of days before the concert I have a big group presentation/project due. After that focus on school, with some fun in between, and think of a dissertation topic. I have a tiny idea of what I want to do (see it changed again), but something will come eventually, hopefully, hmmm. Oh and look and apply for internships.

Oh random thought popped into my head (It happens a lot and this blog entry seems very random, I’m sorry for those trying to keep up) anyway, who reads my blog? It’s just a rhetorical question. It’s weird, because I can see my “audience” from different countries that read it, a majority being in the U.S. and U.K., but people from Europe, Russia (coming in right behind the U.K.) and Asia are reading it as well. 

Faking it as I Go Along

This semester feels different, that’s obvious, there is more to do and more to think about. There is more pressure, especially with essays and, especially, thinking about what exactly I want to write about for my dissertation. Thinking about internships and potential jobs, I can get ahead of myself, but if it doesn’t happen now, it will never happen. Based on the last couple of weeks going to exhibitions, a symposium (lectures) at the Whitechapel Gallery, which, in a sense, did help, and through lectures, ideas are coming to light. But the thing is, it seems, I float from one idea to another and I can’t figure out exactly what I want to do. The fact that we are already having discussions for what our dissertations are going to be may seem helpful, but there is so much more pressure that we’re doing it so early, although it really isn’t that early. I still have time to change ideas from one thing to another, so ask me again in a month what I want to write about, though I’m pretty sure I won’t change my general idea.  I'm worried my idea won’t be good enough or interesting enough or there won’t be enough material/texts. It makes me want to curl up in a ball, I can’t so I just write out ideas and talk them through with family, friends or classmates. I know what I want to write for my essay in my Contemporary Photography class, I just have to pose a question.

I finally got my grade back from my Photography and Difference class, I did a little better then expected. That was the essay that I had to leave the States to go back to London so early for, only to get really sick and start researching/writing 5 days before it was due. So considering how shitty of a start I had, it was a good grade for what I wrote.

I sometimes worry more often then I think I do and I end up procrastinating, avoid what needs to be done by doing something else, case in point, I’m writing this blog when I should be researching. We have our meetings about our dissertation, mine is sometime next week, I’m hoping to get a more solidified idea, get a head start on a timeline. It doesn’t help that my mind wanders around a lot, jumping from ideas, what to do, where to go, and so on. I end up thinking or daydreaming about other things instead of what I should be focused on, fantastic, ok not really. My head needs to get out of the clouds sometimes and I need to stop thinking about things that happened over a month or so ago.

When I try to figure things out I start to worry, which sometimes leads to stress and lately anxiety, for some inexplicable reason. It’s why I want a tattoo on my wrist that says breathe, and yes I know it’s corny and simple. The fact is, at least in my reasoning, if I look at it, it just means life is or can be easier if I don’t sweat about the small things.

So the remedy is to have a glass wine or some cider at night and just have fun when I can. 

Accepting the Unexpected

Here’s the problem, I always expect too much or expect certain results on possibly anything I do. I realize I shouldn’t but it’s who I am. I over think, a lot, and when I over think those results don’t follow through I am sometimes disappointed either with myself or with the event that had just happened. When I attend informational meetings in something that is of interest to me I may expect too much. There are times when I know I can be uptight about many things, but it’s only because I’m anxious to know what’s going on. It’s definitely not a good trait but I’m working on it.

In a way I have been feeling uninspired lately, I’m not sure why, but when I was writing my last essay I just did not want to write about it, aside from being really sick when I first started researching and writing it. It could be that I didn’t care for half the subject, which can be a major problem. If I don’t show interest then the essay suffers in creativity and especially in writing. I’m not settling with the idea of something being ok when it could be excellent. I think what comes with inspiration is doing the things you love. I was completely immersed in studying the last part of last semester so I wasn’t doing much of anything else. This year I intend to try different things, I want to attend lectures, I want to explore more galleries and eventually, I’m hoping, it’ll help inspire me with an idea for my dissertation. Which, while I’m on the subject, I have an idea of what I want to do, but it could always change. However, I’m hoping when I start attending events I’ll become inspired and not be stuck like I have been. I’m looking forward to going to and trying out new things. All I have to do in between research and writing this semester is look around at what’s going on. 

When something unexpected happens I go with the flow, because, really, what else can you do? Every time something like that happens I embrace it and I’ll grow from those experiences. Obviously unexpected events are random and that’s what makes it even more fun!