You Know What Really Grinds my Gears

I really don’t understand the people with the super nice SLR cameras, who just use them to take pictures of their grandkids or family. If they’re just using the camera for that, then wouldn’t it be easier to buy a point and shoot camera? Not some huge camera that they have to lug around with them. I mean seriously, there is no point, do they just buy them because they have the money? I understand the people who bring their huge cameras to sporting events or what have you; they want to get those quality photographs. Yeah everyone thinks they’re a photographer, but to me, the person who studied the history of photography for 14 months, and wrote a dissertation on Street Photography, it’s an art form. I use my point and shoot for gatherings with friends or when I don’t want to lug my bigger camera around. When I bring my Panasonic with me I take photographs of landscapes, architecture, and whatever else catches my eye. Whenever my family goes on vacation all of us take photographs of the same thing, however it comes out differently due to the eye of the person. I’m not harping on everyone; it’s just those who choose to bring it with them to have people stare at it. It’s like they do it for the attention, even though they might not realize it.

Also while I’m at it, people who bring their Ipads to events and take pictures with them are stupid, they look stupid, it’s like their waiting to get robbed with them out. I have an ipad, but I don’t bring it out with me, I don’t see the point.  

Right now I’m in the market to buy a camera, I’ve looked at Olympus, Fujifilm, Panasonic. I want something big enough, with interchangeable lenses; it has to have a good zoom, as in 18 or higher megapixels. Most of all I want the shadows and light to come out crisp. I’m still researching, it might take a while, but I want to find the right one. If anyone knows of any good quality cameras, sound off in the comment section below. 

Is Blergh Considered a Feeling?

I’ve been trying out figure out this feeling I’ve had for the last few weeks, I can’t quite put it into words? Is it frustration, sadness, happiness, contemplation (is that a feeling?), stoicness (is that even a word?), complacent, inspired or lack thereof? I could go on forever, but I’ll stop here.

Anyway I have a huge urge to travel, I mean I really want to travel, every now and then I get that urge to go somewhere I haven’t been before. I would love to go on a trip to Africa for a safari or to New Zealand, somewhere, I need a change of scenery. But then I come down from that cloud to the realization that I can’t, mainly because money is an issue. Only thing I see in the foreseeable future is a short trip to Pagosa Springs with family.

I work at a non-profit art gallery in Palmer Lake (which means not that great of a salary), I like the job, like any job it has its drawbacks, sometimes major and sometimes non at all. The fact of the matter is I wasn’t trained properly; I should have had a class in Quickbooks before I started the job. Someone showing me, quickly, how to work the program didn’t help. Almost three months in and I’m still learning the program, that isn’t helping either. I’m still learning on the job, not always good, even though this is my blog I can’t get into the problems on here, mainly because people I work with or people that I meet in general might find it. Gotta keep a good image, says everyone ever. So while I’m working this job I’m looking and applying for other jobs, not much is out there right now, but I apply when I see something that fits what I want to do.

I’ve been slacking on some things, like photography, my dad bought me a 3 hour photography class on Living Social for a Christmas present, I never used it. By the time I looked up classes at the end of January and February, the slots were all taken. I then didn’t look again, sure it was only $30, but I still feel bad that I never used it. I would love to work on my photography, and I know I should. As a graduation present on getting my Master’s degree my parents want to give me a camera. I still have yet to look up information on cameras, I’m procrastinating and I don’t know why. But that seems to be my life lately; at least I’m getting back to the gym, now I just need to get back to yoga. I need to better my life, meet new people, yadda yadda yadda. I need to figure out my life instead of sitting there and wallowing and thinking about what needs to be done. I signed up to be a volunteer at the local humane society, I just need to talk to them about a day I can train with them. They usually have training days on Saturdays, but I work, it was supposed to be this Monday, but they never got back to me. I’ll contact them soon. I can’t believe it’s almost May, this year seems to have gone by fast, I want it to slow down, so I can figure out the hell I’m doing….that seems to be the main thing in my life, figuring out where I’m headed. I know what I want, I just need to somehow get there.

So for now the word is improvement, trying to improve myself and my situation, or maybe it's just Blergh like Liz Lemon would say, who knows.

Twists and Turns

Sometimes things don’t go as planned, sometimes you get a small break in life. I don’t know how many places I’ve applied to that weren’t in Colorado, maybe 15 places, I didn’t hear back from most of them. I know why, I know that I need to make connections, I knew I had to fly out to whichever city and visit galleries or museums. I was going to in late February early March, when it wasn’t as cold anymore. I still can do this, however I got a job at an art center/gallery as an administrative assistant. It’s part time, but I have so many responsibilities. My plans are to stay at least six months at this job and then move on to something bigger. I started there in early February, before that I had a week of training, it wasn’t enough. I’m still trying to get used to programs on the computer, I like the job and I like the people.

Anyway this job allows me to make great contacts, I’ll get to meet John Fielder in a month, if you don’t know who that it, look him up, his projects are beautiful. I’ve gotten to experience new music, Willy Porter this month, in another month Colin Hays, who was part of the Australian group Men at Work. Anyway right now is vital that I learn everything, i’m the main person people talk to when they call and come in the door, so I need to get every piece of information correct.  I never did actually fully meet the photographer John Fielder, due to me being busy helping with everything and him being busy with other things. Oh well, such is life.

This last month has been stressful, mostly due to getting ready for the current annual photography show. I have never met a more temperamental group  that with photographers. Yeah I made a few mistakes, but it was never anything to write home about.  I had a tough week, that started with feeling like shit due to a lot of stuff.  It ended with a successful opening reception. I learned lessons and I learned that I have a support group within the center, the artists who have studios at the center are so nice. They have my back and even though I see them from just time to time, they are great people to talk to. 

Edit--This was a segmented blog, originally I had it up in February, but I wasn’t happy with it and took it down. I was either too tired or forgot to add on to this, so now, a few weeks later, I’m sending it off into the world of the Internet. 

Getting out of my Comfort Zone

It’s always good to have a plan, even a little one, me? I apparently didn’t have a great plan when I left London. It was find a job, and/or internship; yup that was it, great, but shitty plan huh? It has been two months since I moved back to the U.S. and now I need a better plan, with my parents pushing me, in a good way, I need to find a job, I have bills to pay. Right now I’m applying for jobs and internships here and elsewhere, namely Chicago, but I’ll go just about anywhere except for a few places, New York being one of them. I don’t have anything against it, but it isn’t where I want to live, yeah, I know, picky.  Colorado is not the place to be if I want to apply for art/photography jobs and internships, there are very few galleries and museums here.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve applied to the places I can, though who knows if I’ll get a call back, as a lot of them don’t want you calling them, they’ll call you. I don’t like that mentality, but it is what it is, I realize I will have to call smaller galleries, I hate doing that, but I know I’ll have to. 

What I need to do is get out of my comfort zone, again. I've always gone out of it to an extent, for example, I was quiet in high school, yeah I still am a little, but I’m more outgoing now and always up for anything. In high school I took acting classes and that was pretty much it. I moved to New Mexico to attend university, I was so far out of everything that I knew. I joined a sorority, probably the best decision I made, I made life long friends there. I went on a five week backpacking trip on my own, and I moved to London. All of those things are out of my comfort zone, but I do it anyway because I want to challenge myself and also because I want to do it. I did so much out of my comfort zone this last year, I wanted a challenge, sure I was hesitant, but I went for it. I guess that’s my mantra on life. It’s my desire to travel and experience different cultures, that’s what shapes me as a person, experiencing different things. 

So what now, just pack up my stuff and move to a state where I have family and friends or just move somewhere new altogether, where I don't know a single person. I would rather move somewhere where I know people and meet new people who can help me with a career. 

Leaving Behind What I Didn't Want To

I didn’t want to leave and yet I wanted to leave all at the same time, does that make sense? I had such mixed emotions about leaving London, I didn’t want to leave the people that I became so close with over the past 15 months, hell even the last three months. I was ready to leave the city where the sun doesn’t shine, well it does, just not for very long. The weather and the commutes might be the only thing I disliked about London. It took about 40 minutes to get anywhere, but I loved the museums, the galleries, there was so much culture and history there that I can’t find in Colorado. I expanded my mind this year through the arts and will continue to do so, I’m glad that I had flatmates in different programs, we learned so much from each other. Sure we may not have always gotten along, but not everyone does all the time.

I know that in the last few months my blog seemed like it was repeating itself, with confusion about my dissertation and when talking about specific music, and whatever else. The reasons are all so synonymous, I’ve had so many things and people make impressions on me this year, that it’s hard not to share experiences like that. I wouldn’t trade anything for this year, I learned a hell of a lot. Especially with my dissertation, I could have written a lot more and researched more areas, but with all things I had to have a specific point. My dissertation was about Street Photography in interwar Paris. It was specifically about how the culture, movements, politics, and media effected the way street photographers took photographs. That’s the gist of it, I haven’t looked at my dissertation since I turned it in, I won’t for a while, maybe not until I know my results.

I got back to Colorado on 20^th November, needless to say with a little less sanity. My day started with saying goodbye to close friends, I didn’t want to leave them, I don’t cry that often and once someone starts crying it’s hard to stop. There were so many people that were my surrogate family over the last year, but there were a few people that I got really close to, I don’t want to lose those connections, and hopefully never will. It is especially tough if you don’t know when you’re going to see each other again, hopefully soon. At the airport I had an argument with the check-in clerk about my bags, I sort of won that argument. At my layover in Iceland I was selected for a random security check/frisk. But I made it with severe jet lag and major time change issues. I still need to reactivate my phone, it’s killing me that it’s the only way I can talk with friends in London, not everyone is always on Facebook. Things run slower in small towns and it’s the holidays so everything runs even slower. So far with the week that I’ve been back my internal body clock starts to get tired around 8, which means that I’ll be in bed by 9, that would mean it’s 4 a.m. in London. I will eventually get used to the time change, but after living 15 months in London it’s going to be hard. Change is always a good thing and I already know that I won’t stay in Colorado long. I have an idea of what I should do and where I want go, we’ll just see if I end up there. 

Massive Quantities of Caffeine and/or Alcohol

Due to how crazy stressful October was I didn’t write a blog, I didn’t have the time to set aside to write something other then my dissertation. Though I’m done! After 4 months of writing, researching, mini breakdowns, and as much stress as I could handle, along with many glasses of wine or cider I handed my dissertation in on October 31. I moved to London to pursue a master’s degree and I did it, if I had to do it again I’d still do it the same way. 14 months of writing papers and attending classes and whew, it was hard, but I’m glad I had the chance to do this, even though I’ll be in debt probably the rest of my life.

I had some fun at the beginning of October, I went to my first metal show, due to a friend being the drummer in the band. That was an experience, I’m so glad that I wasn’t in the crowd, we were off to the side of the stage. Metal music isn’t that bad, listening to the guitar riffs and drums instead of the lyrics makes it tolerable (I might get in trouble for saying that). I’ve been around it for the past year due to friends liking it. That actually was a weird weekend, I was supposed to work on my dissertation, but that didn’t happen. My parents came into town but I didn’t have much time for them as I already had plans with friends. I was out with friends that whole extended weekend, so obviously I didn’t get much done dissertation wise. I went up to Northern Wales to meet up with my parents. I needed that, I had to get out of London, again. I couldn’t think what I needed to do to change my dissertation, I just couldn’t work on it. Anyway in Wales I saw so much in the short amount of time I was there. I would make a separate blog but I’m too lazy to do that. We stayed at Dyserth Falls Resort and we went to see castles, ruins of an Abbey, and went to Snowdonia National Park, which was beautiful. Yes I was the person lugging my big camera and my handheld camera around. When we went back to London I had to get back to my dissertation, my parents stayed with me for a few days. I needed to get back to a normal schedule with writing.

The last few weeks were a blur, literally I can’t remember what I did other then my dissertation. The week before it was due I was on a time crunch, I wanted to bring my dissertation to the printers a few days before it was due. I was having trouble with my Abstract, Intro, and Conclusion, I was also talking to my parents every day about my paper and sending them drafts to correct. I’m so glad they were there, I may have wanted to kill them at some points, but I’m glad they pushed me. If they hadn’t I would have still been writing my paper a day or two before it was due. After I went to the printer/binder I went to an exhibition and just had the day to myself, mainly because either friends had left or were still working on their dissertation. The next night however I met up with my friends Michelle and Jonny to go see Devin Townsend. I almost got caught in a mosh pit, backed up just enough to get out of it only to get whipped in the face by a guy with dreads who was head banging, that was gross. The show was a lot of fun, not amazing, but that’s all that counts.  I can’t say this enough but I’m  glad they introduced me to his music, it got me though the last few months. When I needed to unwind or concentrate I put on his music. It wasn't always his music, obviously I listen to other stuff, but every time I needed a moment to unwind his music always helped my mood.  My stress is behind me, my dissertation is turned in, but it was  so weird seeing all the work I put into it bound up in 80 pages.

So now what? I guess on to a new adventure.

Expiration Date

Sorry if this blog post seems a little flat, my brain has been overworking itself due to writing my dissertation.

Things end at one time or another, sometimes we don’t know when and other times we know when its time to move on. I booked my plane ticket about three weeks ago, which was weird, because I just looked at my account and couldn’t help but think that I had booked it earlier. Time flies when you aren’t paying attention to anything else but research and writing. I’m flying back to the states on November 20^th, I’m a little sad, but it’s not like I had the money to keep on living in London, expensive place that it is. Anyway these past 2 ½ or so months have been nothing but researching and writing with some fun in between. I guess the only highlight this month was going to a male strip show with my friends, it was fun and interesting. The LMFAO song, Sexy and I know It, will never be the same, especially the wiggle wiggle wiggle part, take what you will of that. I will not recount the whole story here, though my friends, who I did tell, will know what I’m talking about.

After the brain fart of everything from the past few weeks I intend to go to Wales with my parents for a couple of days, not the whole week though. True I will have to write while I’m there but I’m in need of, once again, getting out of London, though it may be this time a new place to write, so maybe some new inspiration will come. When I was writing my dissertation draft I fried my brain, I spent two weeks writing or trying to write. I got up to a little over 14,000 words, until I realized my second chapter needed to be shorter and possibly fewer photographers. I needed more words for my intro and conclusion; the limit for words with this dissertation is 15,000. While I was writing I don’t think I could communicate with others as effectively as I kept on mumbling when I was talking to my roommate. I did get out of my flat every once in a while, though I swear my brain just quit on me, but I’m sure anyone who has exerted their brain that much would be a little overcooked so to speak. I’m a little apprehensive about getting my draft back on October 1^st, as I don’t know how much I’ll have to change with my paper. However I’m also eager to know the changes so I can get a move on with finishing this paper, it’s due October 31^st, that’s so close.